Latter Days

Motivation! And rain! And motivation!

(Okay, so I have to direct it towards cleaning the house at the moment but still. Motivation!)

NaNo is not going well. Still. And I was informed recently that one of my mother's cousins will be coming for Thanksgiving, so now people care about cleaning up the clutter in this house. Which means more cleaning and less NaNo time.

Not that I dedicate much time to it anyway but. I guess when I have the energy to try, I want to do something a bit more... mindless. Which usually means World of Warcraft. It's what I do when I don't have the brainpower to do more creative or thoughtful things.

Anyway. This is cute and you should watch it.

I keep just wanting to go back to sleep. And have frequently ended up lying down, if not sleeping. I think it's the cold weather. My answer to cold is pretty much always to curl up under the covers again. It's terribly unproductive but it is pretty comfortable.

I commented with prompts for IJ's porn_battle, mostly because I wimped out last time and I was determined not to be afraid to do something like leave prompts. Although, I was aware and am becoming even more aware, that November is a bad time for any sort of writing challenge that isn't NaNo. Still, I didn't chicken out this time, so yay for that.

I want to completely redo all of my icons. This is a little frightening. I kind of want to make more icons before I do though. I need better Witch Hunter Robin ones, for example.

The point of this post is that I still haven't written nearly enough given we're six days into NaNo.

Woke up this morning and it was so cold I stayed in bed with a pile of blankets and a book. I only got through the prologue before life required I get out of bed though. =/

And all was good (if a little on the cold side) until the cramps started. D:

Also. I need to like chain myself to my desk and disconnect the internet to focus my attention on writing.

The good news is that I'm making this for dinner.

Dear Self,

What the fuck? You're afraid to start writing? Yes, whatever you write will likely be complete garbage. That's pretty much the point of NaNo. To write fifty thousand words worth of garbage and hope you find some jewels in it.

Now sit your ass down and get started.

And no, this is not the time to decide you really want to make icons. Start writing.

No Love,
Me

Um. So new stuff that isn't really new anymore:
-Car needed battery replaced, it wouldn't start two weeks ago
-Mom walked out in front of a car while my back was turned (she didn't get hurt but it scared the hell out of me)
-Still allergic to everything, ever

In actual new stuff news, I signed up for NaNo. I haven't written anything yet but I have some ideas now. Everything will be totally out of order but I'm pretty sure that's okay. I actually want to write. Yay for motivation! I wonder if I can get away with swapping between two different stories...?

I felt awful this morning and stayed in bed reading for awhile. I finally finished The Thief of Time and will be starting The Gates of Twilight to procrastinate instead of writing for NaNo as soon as the burst of motivation is over.

I need to make a list of things I'd been intending to do before I got so depressed awhile back and get them done. I'm pretty sure I promised someone I'd upload music, among other things. So if I did say I'd get you something, please remind me!

Belated happy birthday to cheloya. I'm sorry I forgot, honey. Is there anything you want?

I don't think I've done anything even marginally productive in the last few days. My allergies are killing me. ;_;

Not feeling as bad about life in general which is nice. Or at least the good and bad are balancing a bit more. Now I just need to feel less tired and allergic to the universe.

I am:

1) Not surprised

2) Happy with this ending, unanswered questions and all

3) All the more excited for xxxHOLiC

Multiple tries and I still can't find the right words for what I'm trying to say. Anyway, I'm not feeling as bad as I have been lately. Good is stretching it. Normal isn't right either. Just not as bad.

I'm tired a lot but I think that may be at least in part that I really, really messed up whatever sleep schedule I had.

The truly important problem, of course, is that I'm out of pumpkin pie spice creamer.

I finally solved the issue of what I want to make icons of, though. By reading all of +Anima in one sitting.

Rollercoaster mood. D: May be the result of another bad week. Needs more happy. And the Universe needs to stop being a dick.

Someone tell me what I want to make icons of. Or what you want to see icons of.

I bought these awful headphones awhile back that were painful to use and the sound was awful and they were just generally terrible. So I finally replace them Wednesday or Thursday and my iPod dies on Friday.

This is the essence of my week. Needs more happy.

Today wasn't all kinds of awful but I still have that sick, stressed feeling. Why won't you go awaaaaaaaay? (It might be because I'm actually getting sick.)



PS: Karen is one sexy lady.

...I suddenly want to make icons for the first time in what feels like ages.

Dishes are done. Rabbits are fed. Cat has been given her antibiotic.

And I am done with this day.

I could complain about how much my body fails at sleep but.

I opened the window this morning and the air was cool. There was a cool breeze. I could comfortably wear a sweatshirt. Oh and it smelled so nice. Just like Fall.

I hope this isn't just a tease. Fall makes me so happy.

Forgot to mention this before but it is obviously very deeply important. Someone in California felt the need to have a special license plate.

TWIL♥VE

I was amused.

The weekend was fun. My sister, her friend, and I needed to be at the airport at around four in the morning on Friday so none of us slept on Thursday night. The rest of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were spent mostly getting her set up in her apartment. There was a lot of putting furniture from Ikea together. I did get to lie around on Friday while my sister and her friend got furniture (technically, I was looking after the dogs).

My sister's friend and I left Sunday night. Our flight was delayed (it was supposed to depart around 11:30), which sort of sucked but it was only about an hour delay. Then I slept from like nine to five on Monday. And I went back to sleep around midnight. So sleeping hasn't been a problem. Still feeling lightheaded and groggy a lot though.

...there's other stuff but I think I'm just going to keep interalizing until I explode.

Oh, and Apollo (my black lab) has been depressed without his two little friends. He wouldn't eat or go out on Saturday. The cat, however, has been happily taking advantage of not being stuck in my room all the time.

For more than a month now, I've had little to no appetite and trouble sleeping. Which are now very clearly signs of stress. I guess it started around the end of June and with the exception of a few days has been getting progressively worse.

There's been some trouble with my depression but for the most part it's just... feeling like I'm going to be sick all the time. And feeling lightheaded or like... dazed. Some days I manage to have happy thoughts anyway, some days I just want to curl up and cry.

I don't even know why I'm stressed anymore. It's just like general FML stress or something.

I really wish it would go away.

Anyway, I'll be going to California for three days with my sister on Friday to help her move. I'm sure she won't have internet access while I'm there so I'll be around today and tomorrow and then gone until Monday.

Was sick for a few days, I think yesterday's fever was the end of it.

Kitty had swelling around her mouth again. She got another shot for it and an antibiotic that she hates taking.

An icon maker I really like commented on my icons yesterday and that's the only thing I've felt good about all week.

...It's been a rough couple of days. I think I'm going to go hug my cat.

So I ended up dropping from the RP.

I had no plan going into the game, didn't really know what I wanted or could do with the character. Had no experience playing and no idea what I was doing for the most part. I was pretty much the kiss of death to any thread, so it felt like there was a lack of interest in playing with me. And to top it all off, I'd originally brought the character in to make someone else happy and failed miserably. My character was summarily rejected by theirs and I felt pretty damn rejected, too.

All in all, there was some good but it was mostly a negative experience. =/

tl;dr - I wasn't really happy doing it to begin with and then other stuff happened and it was just best to give it up.

Maybe once I've made some plans for the character and gotten a better idea of how to play him properly I might give it another try. (And this time without putting too much value on other people's reactions.)